Someone Left My Cake Out

May 23rd, 2014

I remember sitting in my chair, staring out the front window at nothing. The pros and cons list I worked furiously on hours ago still wear worn on the desk in front of me. Self love victored over religious fervor.
I suppose the voice that picked fame and fortune over sacred duty knew what I could not fathom. How could I know that the girls from high school I walked home with on that lovely fall afternoon were part of a cult? If I had made the other choice, would I still be knocking on doors, handing out pamphlets, and preaching the world would soon come to an end?
17 and naive. Maybe I could incorporate that into the new album I’m working on. Perhaps Janis faced a similar crossroad. Note to self: set lunch date with Janis.
Ronetta looked nothing like my school chum from back in the day. She looked like one of my old sofa cushions when the vacuum cleaner salesman sucked all its air out. Oh, the thought of me having cankles and wobbling like a weeble gave me brain freeze.
35 years have gone by. What if I had chosen her religion? Which of those years, if any, would have me fleeing the cult? After all these years, Ronetta would barely speak to me. I know they shun people who don’t believe as they do. What kind of a life would I have had inside and out of those religous prison walls? Would my kids hate me or love me? OMG, what if I’d raised them as door-knockers? There’s no way my guys would treat me like the dead if I left…or would they?
Giving myself a good slap on the cheek, I quickly replace those what ifs with all that I have; all that I am. I loved the Fame school, trips to The Village, strolls in Central Park, getting high and making love…all chronicled in my first Top 40 song. My first stint on Broadway, performing before thousands. How could I not hear the applause night after night, and seeing standing ovation after standing ovation? And now another Grammy nomination. I really am blessed.
Nothing could stop that 17 year old from attaining her dreams, and no amount of introspection would change the outcome of the last 3 decades. I love being free.