Pirate Map Writing Exercise

May 8, 2014

Nothing. I can do nothing. Is this pirate hell? I might be dead, because I haven't taken a breath for a long while now.

What have I done? Murdered me captain and best friend, that's what I've done. And for what, this so-called treasure?

All my remembered days I've been a pirate. Sailed the seven seas. If there was a pirate of the year award, I'd have won it every time. If there was a sexiest pirate alive, that'd be me. If you looked up pirate in the dictionary, you'd see my sexy, pirate puss looking back at ya. I'm king of the plunderers, that's what.

Then I found the map. The map of maps. The map with the big X marking the booty of a lifetime. So me, me best mate, and me captain set sail.

Somewhere along the way he showed up. The bad pirate. He wouldn't let me be. No sir, bothered me night and day til I gave in to his plotting and scheming. Kept saying 'you deserve the treasure all for yourself, Jimmy boy. What've they done for you but clung to your bootstraps?' It wasn't til after the deeds were done that I finally got him out of my head.

And now this - dare I say - treasure? If I could breathe I might cry. In my hands is what must be the cruelest joke ever played on a man of the seas. One bloody piece of paper with these words:

"Dear Pirate friend. Congratulations. You have found the greatest treasure on earth. This is your chance to redeem yourself from your pirate sins. Whatever you've done to bring you here, all is not lost. Your eternal life is in your hands. Make 10 copies of the map that brought you here. Take the copies to the 10 worst pirates you know. Your reward is sharing this treasure with the worst sinners on earth. May God have mercy on your soul."

Blimey.